Becoming our best self is a journey of joy as the reflection of the person we desire to be takes shape in our efforts and choices today. We owe it to ourselves and others to be a little better today than we were yesterday. Articles devoted to becoming our best self.
COPING WITH FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY
Becoming Better
Written by Larry Dunning
Saturday, 27 December 2008
“It just isn’t fair…that I should have to put up with so
many experiences in life that make me feel like such a TOTAL FAILURE!!So often I feel that I have no talents or
skills, that I’m not good at anything, and that I just don’t matter at
all! And why should I care about anything, anyway!!?Life keeps TESTING ME, and I always
fail!”How many of us have felt exactly
that way at times.How many of us have internalized
those “core beliefs” of inadequacy and incompetence about ourselves, and
carried those beliefs around inside of ourselves for years and years?
Concluding upon the decision that is most likely to bring to pass the “BEST” outcome is a daunting task for anyone. Do I put my family through the struggle and sacrifice of me pursuing more education? Do I take the marketing position because it’s more along the line of what I want to be doing or go with the sales representative that pays more? Do I keep dating other people or do I try and solidify my current relationship? Do I go with the newer house in the nicer area or the older house with more space? The envisioned “BEST” outcome is most likely a little different for each of us as each of us has different aspirations, values and beliefs. Regardless of our different aspirations, values and beliefs, any decision starts with identifying and envisioning the outcome we hope to bring to pass through our best efforts.
By allowing an occurrence in our surroundings to provoke an emotion and a subsequent reaction, we permit outside influences to determine what our behavior is in that moment.It is a scary thought that you and I might become no more than the sum of the moments and people we have reacted to in our lives.When reacting emotionally to our environment we typically throw logic and reason out the window and allow the aversive emotion such as anger, hurt or anxiety to take the steering wheel and drive.Empowering ourselves to respond logically and reasonably to our difficult emotions rather than react with emotional impulsivity takes a conscious effort and will lead to emotional stability, peace of mind and the realization of our best self to the extent it is pursued.
Relief from the dizzying rat race and the long to do list that is always there beckoning each of us will come more promptly as we identify a time to experience our own sanctuary.A sanctuary as we define it here is a time and place where you declare freedom from your obligations and tasks to focus on your own emotional stability and well being.For some the only free time they may have is at 5am and for others it may be right after putting the kids to bed but setting a consistent time aside is important to those who are committed to their peace of mind and the pursuit of their best self.
Despite having been given two ears and one mouth, most of us talk twice as fast and as often as we tend to listen. The tendency to compete to be understood FIRST usually leads us to escalating voice competitions, degrading words and destructive interactions. The desire to be first to be understood and accepted can create a corrosive poison that destroys the bonding elements of any relationship or interaction. It leaves mutual respect out of the picture so that I can pursue “me” and what “I” perceive and leaves no room for “we”. Pursuing a united “we” requires trust. If trust has been broken, then it must usually be repaired before a united “we” can be pursued.
While suffering and pain are universal, effective coping skills to deal with our suffering in a manner that promotes our well being and progress and that of others is not. Opening our hearts and minds to reflect on how we have reacted or responded to the suffering we have experienced in our lives is critical. We may then discover a clearer understanding of ourselves and pursue the most constructive course toward healing and reaching our potential. Too often when we have lived a portion of our lives in an emotionally rejecting or threatening environment, or even a physically threatening environment, we develop reactive methods of defending ourselves which are not conducive to improving our well being. If we are to pursue a course that promotes our well being, peace of mind and progress toward our best self, this entails trading in our reactive approach for a constructively responsive one.
There exists with virtually everyone imperfect, oh yeah, everyone, a gap between the person we are and the person that we would ideally like to be or at least portray to others.The frequent pursuit of portraying a particular image is a pitfall that leads to an inability to accept ourselves for who and where we are in various areas of our lives right now.For most, that entails a need to feel or see ourselves as competent and successful in those areas of life that we have deemed most important and critical to who we are.Sometimes that gap is more like a canyon or it may only feel that way when we're focused on our apparentflaws.For others, in particular areas, reaching their potential or ideal may appear only a step away.
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